What a misty life!

I took this photo last week, while seated somewhere in the streets of Italy after a school training and wondering, now what next!

That there, was probably one of the lowest moments I have had since I moved abroad.

I remember walking down the streets, balancing tears in my eyes and wondering… so, what next?

I am one of those people who are so  much afraid of uncertainties that the only super power that I could ever ask for is to foresee the future.

Behind the scenes, things have happened. I have been on a constantly moving emotional roller coaster!

Have you ever been to an amusement park?  And got on one of these things? You know how you feel right?  Yeah, that’s exactly me for the past two weeks.

  

One moment high, the next,  down down  down, and again high ,and then low, and down down down ,,,aaaaargh! it has just been terrible!

A fortnight ago, I was probably the happiest person in the world. I mean! I just  landed my first job in Europe. If it were you, what do you do? Call family and friends first-right? And I did just that. I was meant to start in three days’ time! How glorious! But that there my people,  was an act of counting my chicks before they hatched. 

Imagine walking down the streets, with shopping bags full on both  hands, full of new clothes and shoes ready to go to the office the next day. Then you hear a beep on your phone. You assume it, must be one of those usual mail alerts from Ryanair or Airbnb. But then, you receive a message. Ok , let’s read this message then. So you put down all your shopping and stand at the same spot. It’s 4 degrees outside, taking off those gloves to check  a mail or message is already an act of bravery  during these cold winter days.

The message says, kindly urgently check your mail.

Ok. I will kindly and urgently check. What is this that is so urgent anyway. I get curious.

Oho! BOOM!!! Just like a bomb, you read this: ( I will translate, it was in Italian)

‘The board had a meeting this morning,

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………Having looked at your documentation, we are sorry  that we are not legally allowed to employ you since your permit to stay in the country does not allow you to work in Italy!’

BOOM! The dreams you had, the plans you had started making, everything you had thought off, the joy, the excitement – in a blink, BOOM!

Can you imagine having told all the people close to you that you have landed your first job abroad, then everyone is so happy and excited for you ,then you go for drinks and party, and then what happens next ! Streeeeessss my people streeeeesss! But in this whole story I must admit that I laughed a little bit. Some of my friends are really always ready to fight my wars! I love them to bits!

So, remember I was telling you about walking down the streets with shopping bags? I was not alone, I was with a friend. With bags  full of suits, new shoes, new blouses, and a gelato on the other hand. So when I read the mail, I was like OK, next time. My friend on the other hand! Aiyaiyaiya! You could think that the mail was directed to him! The ranting that happened, at some point I even had to stop him and tell him to gather himself together. I mean, I was the owner of the mail and  the situation at hand yet I was calm! He was annoyed! And then when I told two of my girlfriends , damn, they already had their ‘claws’ on a ready to type and respond to mail mode. Woah! I had to stop them.  Now that I think about it, it was comical. Guys got my back tight like a bra strap. lol. 

I know their feeling,  all their short lived happiness shattered, the happiness of all friends and family shattered. But you know what, that is life. And the beauty of all of it is that opportunities present themselves always and I am a true believer in that.

And  then, just before I could get over that, the same night at about 5am CET time, I receive a call from Kenya. I always pick up my calls no matter what time, no matter who calls, I will always pick up. So, with a croaky voice I answered:

‘Hey , it  is 5 a.m. in Italy, can I call you back when I wake up?’

‘Oh no, we are sorry, but  we have lost….’  They responded.

There goes another BOOM! What the hell is happening?  Here you go, in a country far away from home, you have lost a close family member, your people are grieving, and yet,  you cannot be there to grieve with them! And just like that, everything  in my mouth became tasteless. I tried to cry but I couldn’t!

It is quite difficult to get me there. Only silly things like see here makes me cry. And when I do cry, I let it all out!  To compensate for all the moments I do not cry.  When grave things happen, I become a piece of wall. I am one of those people whon will even create a second wall if they can. All I want to do when am sad is to be alone, walk alone and just be alone for some time.

Now, is one of those moments, the only difference is that I am abroad, unable  to leave the country for now, unable to be with family. The only option is to  grieve via WhatsApp and endless phone calls just to know how everything is going on back home. You know what? I always wondered how people abroad feel when they cannot go back home for funerals.  I remember my cousins in US failing to attend  funerals  back home and I knew it must have been difficult for them.  Now here I am, in a nearly similar situation. It bites, it stings, it hurts!

The only comforting bit right now  is the support system I have from my loved ones, and  that I am writing this during my lunch break at work. Oh yes, another opportunity surfaced. In a  span of two weeks, I  have been employed, unemployed, bereaved , and then employed again. What an emotional roller coaster!   

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Comments (22)

  • Avatar

    Connie Mruttu

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    Hi dear after reading what u have gone through you are very strong coz l would have been crying my eyes out. Pole kwa msiba and all will be well. One thing for sure God cannot give you what u cant handle so hang in there. Remember Mgaagaa na upwa hali wali mkavu. xoxo

    Reply

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      CVR

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      Heya Connie, umenifanya nikakimbia kwa khamusi kutafuta maana ya msemo:) Asante sana. How are you doing?

      Reply

      • Avatar

        Constance Mruttu

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        Am doing dear and thank you for inspiring us with your blog.

        Reply

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        Constance Mruttu

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        And Happy Valentines xoxo

        Reply

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    Phoebe

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    Oh baby girl, you are one kind of a strong person! I know how it feels to even not be there when a close family member is ill and needs your presence but you can’t be there. And to lose a loved one is much worse. Am so sorry for that.
    For the job, these things come and go. When you loose one, a better door opens. And am happy you got another one. Congratulations ones more.

    Reply

    • Avatar

      CVR

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      Phoebe girl, you know how these job things go. I like how you put it, when one closes another one opens. Even better ones. How are you doing? How is the West treating you?

      Reply

      • Avatar

        Phoebe

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        The west treated me well when I was there and am super excited I got love from somewhere close to the west ☺. Hence the french struggle. 😁.
        In my line of work we keep traveling from place to place. Am in Tanzania now. A very beautiful and peaceful country.

        Reply

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          CVR

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          Yaaaaaaaaayyyyyy,,,,,aaawwwww! Look at you with new found love. Must be exciting! So happy you found a gem in the near West. Tanzania is beautiful and yeah peaceful. Sasa itabidi umeanza kuwa mpole zaidi. Kwa sababu hata ukifanya fujo, polisi atakuambia:’Naomba nikushike shangazi’ 😉

          Reply

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            Phoebe

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            Shangazi 😂😂😂😂 am dead. They say dada. These guys are so kind mpaka inaudhi. We need to do some things with thorax 😂.

          • Avatar

            CVR

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            Ahahhahah,,, that Kenyan spirit you know! lol.

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    Zhane

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    I was so heartbroken for you in the beginning, then in the end I smiled and did a thumbs up. Sigh. Keep conquering.

    Reply

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      CVR

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      Heya Suezhane, you know that your beautiful name puts a smile on my face already. Thanks dear. Keep delivering value too:-)

      Reply

  • Avatar

    Estrella

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    Ahh, I didn’t know about all this going on in your life right now. I must tell you though I have had my fair share of high and low moments too. Everyday is a gamble here with work, life, knowing you cannot just drive a couple of hours to see your family. It is truly stressful and not easy. Hope things will look up for you and know that if you ever need anything, I’m here to support you any way I can. xo.
    http://www.lacasabloga.com

    Reply

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      CVR

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      Hello Estrella. Thanks love. My spirit is now back and alive. I feel much better and ready to soldier on. I totally get you on those high and low moments. I am really looking forward to the next meet up. We can laugh and share more to be stronger. I know that you will also soldier on. LET’S DO THIS!!!

      Reply

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    Alessandra

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    Hang in there buddy. Tutto sarà ok.

    Reply

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      CVR

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      Ciao Alessandra. Thank you for stopping by:-)

      Reply

  • Avatar

    Dot

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    Such a misty life! Keep inspiring lady.

    Reply

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    Nathan

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    Cvr, keep on moving. You will be ok. Congratulations on your new job in Europe.

    Reply

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    Laila

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    Hey, I just read your blog for the first time today. I like the solutions you give on the misty life session. Keep up the good work

    Reply

    • Avatar

      CVR

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      Hello Laila. Thanks for passing by PeachesonBlue. Welcome to the fam:-)

      Reply

  • Avatar

    Sasha

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    Hey cvr, hang in there, I know you will do just well. Lots of hugs.

    Reply

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